My soul faints with longing for your salvation,
but I have put my hope in your word.
My eyes fail, looking for your promise;
I say, “When will you comfort me?”
Though I am like a wineskin in the smoke,
I do not forget your decrees. Psalm 119:81-83
Every believer has a testimony. I’ve heard incredible ones over the years about people who were in prison, addicted to drugs and alcohol, were prostitutes, all sorts of sins and situations that were unimaginable until the Lord saved them and turned their lives around.
My testimony starts off a bit boring. When I was around eight years old a couple of wonderful Baptist fellows came to our neighborhood to invite kids who were willing to go to Sunday School. They sent a church bus on Sunday mornings to pick us up and we were introduced to church, God, and the Christian way of life.
When I was about fourteen years old a visiting evangelist at our church preached and gave the altar call. I felt God tugging at my heart and like a fish I was gently reeled in and was born again that Sunday morning.
I spent years wrestling with God, ignorant and foolish through most of my teenage years. I got serious about God around the same time I got married and then put down solid Christian roots in my early twenties.
By the time I was twenty eight years old my health had broken down and what should have been some of the best years of my life were years of constant affliction. Diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and other illnesses, it felt like my life was falling apart. But the killer would be Crohn's Disease. By the time doctors realized I had the disease it had done its worst. I was anemic, wasting away, suffered daily fevers, had infections and open wounds. By the year 2010 I was circling the drain. I was dying.
This is not a testimony about how wonderful and easy the Christian life can be. After years of Bible reading, and feeling the closeness of God even through my difficult years of Affliction, by 2010 as I was dying God had gone silent on me. Though I knew God was still there, He was no longer speaking to me in my spirit as He had done for years.
On the night before I was to meet the surgeon God finally spoke to my spirit and He essentially said that the choice to have the surgery was up to me. That I could continue on my present course and be with Him in heaven, or I could take a chance on the surgery.
You must understand that there was a serious question as to whether or not I would live through the surgery. I was as weak as a newborn kitten. Without the surgery it was unlikely I would live another six months to a year. And at that point if the surgery did not kill me, there was no guarantee I would live long even after I went through the surgery.
It was only later, well after the surgery and during my recovery that I understood what had occurred regarding God’s silence during the worst of my illness before the surgery. God would not ask me to suffer more. He saw what I had gone through not only in 2010 but the preceding years of my affliction. It was His goodness and mercy that led to His silence. That sounds strange, I know. But God did not require me to suffer more. He also knew it had to be my choice to go on fighting, and without my choice to commit to continue fighting I would never survive. It required my choice and will. God could not do it for me.
So what is my testimony? That God entered my life at a young age, and because He did so I did not end up in prison, or a drug addict, an alcoholic, or dead like some of the friends and kids I grew up with. Except for the grace and goodness of God I could have gone to prison like one of my best friends. God had His hand on me in my youth. And as a young man with horrible afflictions I could have taken my life due to despair if not for my knowledge of God and His intercession for me. As a middle aged man God handed me the reins of my own fate and trusted me with a life or death decision that would take a big leap of faith.
I was 46 years old when I entered the surgeon's office. I was anemic, weighed 143 pounds down about 90 pounds from around a year earlier. I took a leap of faith not knowing whether I would live or die, but knowing that whatever my choice, I would either be with God or He would be with me.
Testimonies about those who have had amazing turnarounds are wonderful. They grab our attention as they should. But there are other testimonies of Christians who have survived horrible circumstances because they had God in their life. People like Joni Earekson Tada a quadriplegic who nevertheless testifies about God and His goodness. Survivors who continue through suffering and affliction because they hold onto God through it all. And even those who did not survive, yet trusted themselves to God.
Faith preachers love the Bible book of Hebrew chapter 11. It tells of the wonderful episodes of God’s miracles, transformed lives, and impossible situations that God turned around. But that’s just part of Hebrews chapter 11. We are also told of those who suffered horribly and did not receive a miracle or deliverance, but they still kept their faith.
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth.
And:
These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, Hebrews 11:13,39
My testimony is not glamorous, but it is about the goodness of God. Whether I would have died at 46 years old, or remain alive years later as I write this and still wrestle with afflictions, I can say that God is good.
It could be said that those like me suffering horrible things do not deserve to go through such pain and misery. But neither did I deserve such a good wife, a wonderful daughter, and loving family members and friends. I didn’t deserve any good thing God has ever given me. Yet He put His hand upon my life as a boy and set me on a path of both blessings and difficulty. I am alive today by faith and the help God has given me over the years. Even when God was silent and allowed me a choice in my own fate God was being good to me. And when it is all said and done I will be with Jesus in heaven, again because of the goodness of God. That is my testimony about the grace and goodness of God even in this my land of affliction. What is your testimony?
Prayer: Dear Lord, we suffer many things in this life, but when it is through we will see Your guiding hand in it all. You have blessed us far beyond what we deserve, and these momentary afflictions are nothing compared to what awaits us in Your kingdom. Thank You for choosing us not because we are worthy, but because of Your love for us. We will praise You for it eternally. Amen.
